[fn Plaza] Bad Apology, Good Apology

Today, I’d like to talk about apologies. Not the red, luscious apple, but the kind of apology known as "apology." In Chinese characters, I’m not talking about the *Sa-gwa* (沙果), but the *Sa-gwa* (謝過). Apologies are a hot topic these days. Although the controversy over the fire service budget sparked by Gyeonggi Governor Choo Mi-ae has passed a critical point, discussions about apologies continue unabated across various media outlets and online platforms.
Given how often one needs to apologize in life, the internet even provides detailed, step-by-step guides on "how to write a good apology." There are also quite a few books dealing with apologies, ranging from the popular psychology book *On Apologies* (2004) by American psychiatrist Aaron Lazare—to *The Art of Public Apology* (2014), which meticulously analyzes apologies from celebrities, and *To Adults Who Hesitate to Apologize* (2024), which re-examines the relationship between apologies and the restoration of relationships. This is because, to live harmoniously with others, one must learn at least one method for resolving conflicts and communicating.
Governor Choo Mi-ae’s apology to firefighters, which recently sparked controversy, is a prime example of a bad apology. Aaron Lazare stated that a good apology requires an acknowledgment of fault, a proper explanation, expressions of remorse and humility, and measures to compensate for the damage. In light of this principle, Governor Choo’s apology was highly inadequate in terms of not only a clear acknowledgment of the fault but also empathy for the victims and responsible follow-up measures. It would have been better if she had immediately said, "I am sincerely sorry for hurting you, firefighters," but by adding caveats such as "since you wanted an apology" or "if it was conveyed differently than I intended," the true meaning of the apology ended up being obscured. Had she acknowledged the fault plainly from the beginning, there would have been no need to apologize again or appeal for sincerity with tears.
Failing to apologize when one should is an even worse case. Representative Joo Jin-woo raised suspicions regarding Kim Hye-kyung’s so-called "Emperor Golf," claiming that she received lessons from professional golfer Lydia Ko. However, Lydia Ko immediately refuted this, stating, "The content of the article reported today is not true and has absolutely nothing to do with me," proving the claim to be false. When reporters asked if he intended to apologize to Lydia Ko, he refused a public apology, stating, "Demanding an apology is merely a frame set by the Democratic Party to muddy the waters on this issue." While he has the right to criticize the President's family's golf as an opposition lawmaker, one wonders if it would have been appropriate for him to apologize to Lydia Ko, whose name was mentioned so absurdly.
On the other hand, there are many examples that set an example of apology. During his visit to Canada in 2022, Pope Francis repeatedly apologized for the abuse and forced assimilation policies committed by the Catholic Church against Indigenous children. He defined the Church's past actions as "Evil" and sought genuine forgiveness from the Indigenous people. In particular, he agreed on the need for follow-up measures, such as truth investigations and accountability, stating that seeking forgiveness is not the end of the matter. Former U.S. President Barack Obama was also not stingy with apologies. When a controversy over sexism arose during his presidential campaign after he called a female reporter covering a car factory "Sweetie," he immediately called her to apologize promptly and respectfully.
Samsung Electronics Chairman Lee Jae-yong is also frequently cited as an example of a good apology. This is the so-called "JY Apology Leadership." When Samsung Medical Center was identified as the epicenter of the MERS outbreak in 2015, Chairman Lee personally stepped before the public to acknowledge responsibility and promised hospital innovation and support for victims. In 2020, he apologized for controversies surrounding management succession and the company's no-union policy, and last May, he apologized to the public and customers ahead of a general union strike. Another corporate example is Musinsa. In 2019, facing intense criticism for an advertisement that caricatured the late activist Park Jong-chul, Musinsa immediately apologized and requested an opportunity to apologize directly to the bereaved family and the memorial foundation. The company also disciplined the staff responsible for the advertisement's production and review and announced measures to prevent recurrence.
Nobel laureate and ethologist Konrad Lorenz stated, "When the loser signals surrender, the winner usually stops aggressive behavior." An apology may be the first step toward reconciliation, acknowledging one's own fault and reaching out to the other person first. However, it is by no means a defeat. Rather, it is a courageous act of setting aside pride and saving face to empathize with the other person's hurt. The proper way to apologize is not complicated. If you have done something wrong, you simply need to admit it quickly and specifically, and convey your sincere apologies without making excuses or blaming others. Above all, an apology should not be a technique to secure forgiveness, but a process of understanding the other person's heart. Those who know how to apologize gain an opportunity to restore relationships, while those who do not may lose something greater than their own wrongdoing.
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