“My son’s wedding is coming up” vs. “There are still more than 40 days to go” ... Debate over Kim Yong-gun’s absence from Choi Bool-am’s wake [What do you think?]

[Financial News] Tributes continue to pour in following the death of veteran actor Choi Bool-am, while a heated online debate has erupted over actor Kim Yong-gun’s absence from the wake of his longtime colleague, with whom he worked for decades. Reports that Kim followed the traditional custom of refraining from attending a funeral ahead of his eldest son, actor Ha Jung-woo’s wedding have set “respect for a longstanding custom” against criticism that it is “an anachronistic superstition.”
The controversy began with an account from fellow actor Baek Il-seop, who visited the wake on October 31 of last month. Baek told reporters that Kim Yong-gun had called him and confided in him about the situation, and relayed Kim’s explanation: “My son (Ha Jung-woo) is getting married next month, and people around me urged me not to go, so I didn’t.”

Ha Jung-woo is set to hold his wedding ceremony on December 13. Kim Yong-gun himself also told Yonhap News Agency, “I was unable to go because people around me advised me that it would be better to avoid paying my respects ahead of a family event,” adding, “I feel indescribably heavy-hearted that I couldn’t see him off on his final journey.”
The two shared a close bond, having acted together for 22 years on MBC’s longest-running drama, Country Diaries, with Choi Bool-am playing Chairman Kim and Kim Yong-gun his eldest son. As news of Kim’s absence spread, opposing views quickly surfaced in online communities and portal comment sections.
Critical commenters said it was hard to understand why he had not visited the wake when more than 40 days remained until the wedding. Comments included: “It sounds like an excuse when this was the final farewell to a senior colleague who had been like family for half a lifetime”; “The wedding isn’t even tomorrow, yet he failed to do his duty, citing an outdated superstition”; and “It’s disappointing that people still feel bound by such irrational customs in modern society.”
But there has also been considerable pushback from those who say Kim Yong-gun’s choice should be understood. They argue that wanting to ward off misfortune ahead of major family events is a deeply rooted sentiment in Korean society that has endured for generations. Others countered: “It’s only natural for older people to be reluctant to violate taboos ahead of a major event that could shape their child’s future”; “It was a natural gesture of consideration among older generations, given that even his senior colleague Baek Il-seop tried to dissuade him”; and “This isn’t something for third parties to condemn by imposing moral standards on someone else’s way of mourning or family affairs.”
Traditionally, Korean society has had a custom of not attending one another’s events when a family had a happy occasion, such as a wedding or childbirth, coming up, or when it was in mourning. This was more than a superstition; it was a kind of social norm that developed to ease the psychological burden on those involved when joyful and sorrowful occasions coincided, and to show consideration for one another.
But in modern society, as families have become more nuclear and rationalist and individualist values have become widespread, these taboo customs are increasingly seen as formalistic practices that obstruct basic human decency and sincere mourning, and are emerging as a source of conflict between generations and differing values.
A social and cultural studies expert noted, “Past customs served as a psychological safety net within communities, but in modern society there is a stronger tendency to value individual sincerity and the depth of interpersonal relationships.” The expert added, “Rather than blindly criticizing or imposing particular rituals or taboos, we need a flexible perspective that takes into account the difficulties and positions of those involved in all their complexity, amid the complicated circumstances where celebration and mourning intersect.”
Meanwhile, Choi Bool-am, who died at age 87 on the 29th of last month, was a nationally beloved actor who represented the history of Korean broadcasting and was deeply loved by the public.


[email protected] Moon Young-jin Reporter