“We pay you 1.2 million won, so follow my childcare rules” ... Opinions divided over mother-in-law and son-in-law conflict [What Do You Think?]

[Financial News] A story has emerged about a son-in-law yelling at his mother-in-law, who looks after her grandchild for 12 hours a day and even prepares dinner, accusing her of not following his childcare rules. He reportedly insisted that she should do as he said because he pays her 1.2 million won a month, and that she eventually left the house in tears.
A post voicing distress over a family conflict was recently shared on an online community under the title, “Husband yells at his mother-in-law, who looks after his child all month, saying he pays her 1.2 million won a month.”
The author, identified as A, said she and her husband are a dual-income couple in their third year of marriage and that they ask her mother, who is in her 60s, to look after their child on weekdays. Her mother cared for her grandchild for 12 hours or more each day, from 7:30 a.m. to 7:30 p.m. She reportedly prepared dinner before her daughter and son-in-law got home from work, then returned to her own home.
The couple paid her 1.2 million won each month for looking after their child. A said, “Of course, we couldn’t ask her to do it for free, so we give her 1.2 million won a month as a thank-you for her hard work. My in-laws were also grateful, saying my mother was going to so much trouble, and thanks to her, we were able to focus on our jobs without worrying.”
But a conflict arose between the husband and his mother-in-law over whether the child could have snacks and watch video content.
The husband reportedly consulted parenting books regularly and stuck to the rule that the child should not be given snacks or shown video content. A, on the other hand, felt that some understanding was needed, given that her mother, who is in her 60s, was looking after an 18-month-old all day.
A said, “My husband is constantly buried in parenting books and has an obsession with never giving the baby sugar or snacks or letting the baby watch TV or YouTube. But when my mother, who is in her 60s, has to look after an energetic 18-month-old all day by herself, she has no choice but to put on Pororo for a little while and give the child one or two snacks. That way, Mom can catch her breath, too. I understood how hard it was for her, so all I felt toward her was gratitude.”
The conflict came to a head a few days ago when the husband came home earlier than usual. At the time, his mother-in-law had reportedly given the child tteokppang rice puffs and put on a YouTube video so she could prepare dinner.
The husband reportedly raised his voice at his mother-in-law when he saw this. A said, “When my husband saw it, he let out a deep sigh right in front of my mother and, without any preamble, yelled, ‘Mother-in-law, how many times have I told you not to give the child YouTube or snacks?’ and ‘We’re not asking you to do this for free—we give you 1.2 million won every month, so you should at least follow our childcare rules.’ My mother was so shocked that she packed her bag and left the house in tears,” she recounted.
A later protested to her husband that he shouldn’t treat her mother carelessly just because he was paying her. But the husband would not back down, insisting that since he was paying fair compensation, she had to follow the childcare rules he set.
A said, “I confronted my husband, asking how he could bring money into it and yell at my mother-in-law when she looks after our child all day and even cooks for us. But he said, ‘It’s not as if we’re not paying her—we’re paying fair compensation, so why aren’t you following our childcare standards?’ and ‘If that’s how it’s going to be, we’d be better off sending the child to daycare and hiring someone to pick them up.’”
A also claimed that her husband focused on his mother-in-law’s reaction rather than his own behavior. She said, “He even blamed her, saying, ‘She got emotional and made the whole thing worse.’”
In the end, A’s mother said she would no longer come to look after her grandchild. A said she had no one to leave the child with and would have to use her remaining annual leave.
A expressed her frustration, saying, “My mother is hurt and says she’ll never come to our house again. With nowhere to leave the child starting next week, I’m having to use up all my remaining annual leave. I can’t shake the feeling that my husband, who thinks he can criticize even his mother-in-law because he paid her fair compensation, is incredibly rude to an elder and completely beyond the bounds of common sense.”
Online reactions were divided between those who said parents’ childcare rules should be followed and those who criticized the husband’s inappropriate behavior in yelling at his mother-in-law.
Some commenters responded, “Parenting should be consistent,” and “Aren’t tears, manners and promises separate issues?” Others wrote, “Can you really act so entitled toward your mother-in-law just because you pay her 1.2 million won a month?” “You should always be grateful to your parents for looking after your child,” “How heartbroken his mother-in-law must have been,” and “What an ill-mannered, rude son-in-law.”
[email protected] Han Seung-gon Reporter