“It’s my performance bonus—why are my in-laws involved?” ... A husband in his first year of marriage vents [What Do You Think?]

[Financial News] A story has emerged about a wife who shared everything from her husband’s savings to the couple’s important decisions in her family group chat—and even held a Korean beef feast with her family using her husband’s performance bonus. The husband said he was at odds with his wife for spending money he had planned to save for moving costs without consulting him.

On JTBC’s “Sageon Banjang,” which aired recently, a man in his 30s who had been married for a year opened up about the difficulties he faced because of his wife’s overly close relationship with her family.

The two met through an acquaintance and became a couple. From the time they were dating, A said, he saw his wife frequently contacting her family. She was especially close to her younger brother, exchanging dozens of social media (SNS) messages with him a day, he said.

At the time, A viewed the close family ties positively. When his wife shared photos of meals out or trips in her family group chat, her mother would even make the food shown in the pictures herself and serve it to her son-in-law. A also liked this aspect of his wife’s family.

But as their relationship continued, his wife’s family began to have a say even in matters the couple was supposed to decide together.

Once, A picked a movie he wanted to see at a theater. His wife immediately sent the movie posters to her family group chat and asked which film they thought would be good.

When her younger brother recommended a different film, his wife put off booking tickets for their original choice and changed her mind. The same thing happened when they were planning a trip. She reportedly changed their reservation if her mother did not like the accommodation the couple had chosen.

Even the color of his wedding suit changed in line with his wife’s family’s opinions. A wanted a navy suit but ultimately chose a black one recommended by his mother-in-law and brother-in-law. When deciding on the wedding venue and furniture for their newlywed home, his wife also sought her family’s opinions before her husband’s.

Personal financial information was also shared with his wife’s family. A realized that even the amount of his savings had been shared in her family group chat after hearing his brother-in-law mention how much he had in a savings account.

His wife continued sharing photos after they married. When her husband bought new clothes or got a haircut, she took photos and posted them in her family group chat; she also told them what he had for lunch. If the couple had an argument, members of her family would sometimes call the next day.

The husband asked her not to share photos of him without his consent. But his wife asked, “What’s the problem? They’re family.” She later promised to ask his permission before posting photos, but reportedly continued to do the same thing.

The couple’s conflict grew worse after the husband was promoted. A planned to save his performance bonus for moving costs, but his wife told her family about it in their group chat. Then one day, when A came home from work, his wife’s family had gathered to eat Korean beef and celebrate his promotion.

Taken aback by the unexpected scene, the husband did not express his displeasure in front of his wife’s family. Only after they had left did he ask his wife why she had spent his bonus without consulting him.

In response to her husband’s complaint, his wife asked, “We’re family. Are you really begrudging our family one meal of meat?”

But A’s issue was not the cost of treating them to Korean beef; it was that the decision had been made without consulting him. He complained, “Whenever anything comes up, you decide it in your family group chat and just inform me afterward.”

Afterward, the couple agreed to discuss financial matters and important plans with each other first. But A said the conflict remained unresolved because his wife still followed her family’s opinions first.

Seung Jae-hyeon, a research fellow at the Korea Institute of Criminology and Justice, said the couple needed to understand each other and continue their relationship. “Since no boundaries were crossed or rules violated, I hope the husband will understand and move forward together with his wife,” he said.

Lawyer Park Ji-hoon, on the other hand, said that closeness with one’s family and a couple’s decision-making should be treated separately. “It’s understandable that the wife is close to her family, but it’s excessive to discuss the couple’s money and important decisions with them first and then inform her husband,” he said.


[email protected] Han Seung-gon Reporter