"Humor Elders, but Don't Meet Them If It Leaves You Hurt"—Ham Ik-byeong's Advice for Resolving Holiday Conflicts

[Financial News] Ahead of the Chuseok holiday, dermatologist Ham Ik-byeong offered a provocative solution to the family conflicts that recur during every holiday. He said, "It is the way of the world for younger people to humor their elders," but also advised, "If questions about marriage hurt you, don't meet them at all."

Ham recently shared his views on reducing holiday conflicts through his YouTube channel, 'Dr. Ham's Social Diagnosis.'

He said, "In modern society, where family members are scattered across the country, gathering in one place for the holidays is itself a major burden," adding, "Rather than imposing old customs, family members urgently need to show consideration for one another."

Regarding questions about marriage and childbirth, which are a source of stress for younger generations, Ham said, "When elders ask, 'Don't you have someone?' or 'Why aren't you married?' those questions come from a good intention: wishing for young people to live well." He then bluntly added, "If those words hurt you, the answer is simply not to meet them at all."

On comparisons among relatives, he added, "If it makes you feel bad, you have to make an effort yourself to overcome it," and said, "It is the way of the world for young people to watch what elders think, accommodate them, and live accordingly."

For conflicts between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law, as well as marital disputes, Ham offered specific guidelines, including active "wife defense" by husbands. He said, "A husband must always take his wife's side," and stressed, "If conflict arises between his family and his wife, the husband should actively stand up for and protect her."

He continued, "Ancestral rites, meals, and cleanup should be finished by 2 p.m. at the latest, and it is the husband's role to reduce the time his family and his daughter-in-law spend together. He should also coordinate the schedule wisely, such as by visiting the husband's and wife's families on alternate occasions."

He also called for some pointed self-reflection from the parents' generation. Ham said, "Parents should not interfere excessively in their children's lives on the grounds that they provide financial support," adding, "If you find yourself thinking, 'I helped you, so do as I say,' then the right thing is not to provide the support in the first place."

He further urged, "The ancestral rite tradition, too, should naturally change as generations change," and called for "showing special consideration to daughters-in-law and sons-in-law from other families so that the holidays become so happy that divorce lawyers are left with little to do once they are over."




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